And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Enjoy the penises
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
