Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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