my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
