I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
being pregnant is like rehab
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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