She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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