I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
