that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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