dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
