Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
