My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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