I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
