i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
