Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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