I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
