Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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