Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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