My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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