This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
