I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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