Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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