Sacagawea was the original milf.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
