Apparently you make a good broom.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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