There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
