I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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