the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
