I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
