She is in my trunk
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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