It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
