so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
