I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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