All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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