I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
