two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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