I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I will pee on everything he values.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
