Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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