I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize