I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
