i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
