Sober January is a disaster.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
