Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
