the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
