Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
