I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
