Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
