nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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