I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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