I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
