You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
