But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
