I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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