she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
