You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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