So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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