you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
