Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
